Report by Mr Jones
The Very Important News Network threw two huge lavish parties last weekend in both New York City and Los Angeles to celebrate it's birthday. The events were the biggest bash of the year with the stars queuing up for hours to get in. I caught up with a few of the huge numbers of stars at the NY bash who battled to get in to this oh so exclusive occasion:
"Happy Birthday VIN, your exposing of my lack of talent has been very eye opening!"
"Wow one year old! You guys are almost as great as me Tom Cruise! No, not really I am the greatest!!"
"Wow you're one years old! Here's hoping my career lasts as long!"
Kevin "K-Fed" Federline
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"Now that’s what I'm talking about! That’s how you have a party! From now on that's how you have a party! Wooo!"
"Diddy says Diddy Birthday to VIN! Diddy What?! Diddy Wow!"
"One year old? That's hot."
"Fancy a go? Only 20 bucks?"
"Ha ha ha ha! Great news! Happy Birthday VIN A-ha ha ha ha"
"Happy Birthday Sugar T*ts!"
"Wassup Niggaz! Happy Birthday! PS I am available for Bar Mitzvahs."
"Here's another great quote! A wise man once said "To be good you have to be true to yourself" and that wise man was me, Tom "Tommy" Cruise!"
"It's my birthday! I should be getting a birthday not them!"
"Happy Birthday! You do excellent work!"
"Watch me dance! Watch me dance! Ooh I'm on fire! The Cruise Machine is burning it up!"
"Happy Birthday to all your sexy writers!"
"Oh Mr Jones you are so hot. Happy Birthday!"
"Many happy returns! I love the site!"
"Happy Birthday! I love you! You always support me even during my "crazy" days!"
"It's your Birthday? Don be stupid, stupid!"
"Listen to me carefully..... Happy Birthday.... that is all"
"Ooh Wentworth!!! Happy Birthday VINNY darling!"
"Happy Birthday! What!"
"Can't talk! I'm still on the run! Happy Birthday!"
"If I had a birthday, here's how I would do it!"
"Happy Birthday old chums!"
"Happy Birthday! You are not girly men as opposed to all the other web sites! And trust me... I will be back! Get it?"
".... (snort snort) Happy.... (snort) Birthday!""
"Hear me growl the words to Happy Birthday! Grrrrwlllll!!"
"Heh heh heh heh Happy Birthday!"
George W Bush
"I have to go home now and be with my kids! Thanks for inviting me, Tom aka "Tom Mack Daddy Sex Machine Cruise Missile" Cruise! Happy Birthday VIN!"