The Buzz: K.O. KO'd

Report by Mr Jones

Unattractive loudmouth Kelly Osbourne is trying to mount a comeback after being banned from ever appearing in public last year. The highly popular decision was passed by the senate last month but despite society's entire objection she still will not remain quiet.

"I am an annoying loudmouth so what! I will continue to impose my hideous face and equally obnoxious voice upon the world! I don’t care!" she shrieked.

Surprisingly, plastic surgery magnet Paris Hilton, horse faced ex-singer Victoria Beckham and STI addict Lindsay "Firecrotch" Lohan have all rallied around Kelly. "She makes even us seem palatable! Without her all of the world's disgust will be forced upon us! Previously our pathetic lifestyles had been overshadowed by her antics but now we have no hope!" whined equine-like former Spice "girl" Beckham, who then had to leave as she was running in the Grand National later that day.

Meanwhile all the members of the 'Save Kelly' protest group have been mysteriously killed in a firework related incident at a firework factory they had been invited too.