Very Important News


Thursday, March 29, 2007

Rumor Mill: Jeremy's tip to waiters is to Piv off

Report by Clarissa Scheissberg

'Suspiciously gay'
Jeremy Piven
has reportedly been banned from America's Nobu restaurants after paying a waiter's tip with a DVD. The 'catty' actor was dining at the restaurant in Aspen, Colorado during the recent Us Comedy Arts Festival. When the bill came, Piven paid up and left the waiter a copy of his Entourage series DVD as a tip.

The outraged server threw the DVD at the 'bitchy' diner.

'Funny' Piven is playing down the incident. He allegedly said: "Oh please! I'm such a fan of Nobu and all of his restaurants. It is fabulous! I had a great dinner at the Nobu in Aspen with all my friends, my entourage as I call them. As always, the meal was fabulous and the service was oh so fabulous. Especially since I can leave a DVD I get free as my tip! It was fabulous darling! I just hope us bitches can get together and hug it out."

I am sure Nobu will be watching Piven's entourage alot more closely next time, even if it is only on DVD.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Buzz: Welling wanting Wolf?

Report by Mr Smith

'Adult actor who plays super powered teen boy' Tom Welling has signed on for a new movie starring a super powered teen wolf who has a penchant for using his wolf like abilities to play basketball.

Teen Wolf
as the film will be known, is a remake of 'pint sized' Michael J.Fox's 1985 movie also called Teen Wolf. However according to my sources the fun-loving werewolf of the title will be played by a female.

Tom Welling allegedly had this to say when he found out he did not have the lead role: "I guess in this politically correct day and age we have to have female basketball players... with super powers. I mean whats next? Superman being a Supergirl? This is political correctness gone mad! Although I do value the job.... This is off the record right?"

Monday, March 26, 2007

SPOTTED: Week beginning 26th March 2007

Report by Lisa Lucker


Helen Mirren asking passers by to refer to her as Dame Helen Mirren, or The Queen.

Jon Bon Jovi asking a shop assistant of a well known horse hair wig maker… directions to the nearest coffee store.

Gerard Butler signing autographs at the premiere of his new movie (300).

Friday, March 23, 2007

The Buzz: The one hit wonder Blunt did not want

Report by Clarissa Scheissberg

'Full time wailer and part time singer' James Blunt drove over an autograph hunter's foot as he left a Hollywood party last month.

His 'soon to be ex girlfriend (due to his one hit wonder status' supermodel Petra Nemkova insists boyfriend James Blunt had no idea he'd driven over an autograph hunter's foot as he left a Hollywood party last weekend.

The Czech model shouted in her native accent, "We found out the day after! We didn't know! We found out from the newspaper! It's just really sad!"

The 'one hit wonder' is currently being investigated by Los Angeles police after leaving the scene of the incident. The incident has now been classified as a hit and run.

Blunt refused to comment but was heard allegedly wailin when questioned by police.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Buzz: Japanese Jackson fans just can't stop loving Michael

Report by Mr Smith

'Child lover (in the legal sense)' Michael Jackson arrived in Japan last week where he met with fans who paid $3,500 (£1,800) to spend a minute in his company.

The man with no surgery allegedly whispered: "My fans in Japan helped me achieve historic milestones in the music industry. They all look so young and pretty. I love Japan and it's money!"

Surprisingly earlier this year, the singer said that Japan is "one of my favourite places in the entire world".

Monday, March 19, 2007

SPOTTED: Week beginning 19th March 2007

Report by Lisa Lucker


Martin Lawrence dressed as a pizza delivery man, dancing with a pizza box shouting out “I have pizza!” while trying to get into a movie studio to pitch his new movie.

Micheal Keaton asking for a Batman costume at his local fancy dress shop.

Jason Biggs eating an American pie on the set of his new movie that isn’t a sequel to American Pie.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Rumor Mill: O.J fired naked gun at Smith?

Report by Mr Smith

'Honest citizen' O.J. Simpson has hinted he could be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn. The formerly aquited murderer wants his name added to the list of possible dads, which already includes a list of rich unknowns.

The 59-year-old's alleged murderer paternity claim to a Caucasian baby was made to a man named Norman Pardo, a videographer who documented Simpson between 2000 and 2005.

Pardo told me, "(He) said he was throwing his hat into the ring. He said he knew Anna Nicole pretty well, and he said he had slow-moving sperm, and he might be the father."

Simpson claims he doesn't want to be named as Dannielynn's dad so Fred Goldman - who is pursuing him for damages after winning a multi-million dollar civil suit over the murder of his son Ron and Simpson's wife Nicole - can't make a claim over Smith's fortunes. However he does want some of the money for throwing his proverbial hat into the ring.

Allegedly quoting Simpson, Nardo added, "I hope they don't do a DNA test on Anna Nicole's baby. If they find out Dannielynn is mine, I don't want Fred Goldman trying to seize her money - or the baby herself. I would prefer they do it in secret as I would like the money, but definately not the baby."

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Rumor Mill: Wahlberg Mark-ing British roles?

Report by Mr Smith

'Full time rapper and (part time actor)' Marky Mark (Mark Wahlberg) is determined to broaden his acting experience and wants his next movie role to be an Englishman in a period drama.

The rapper is excited by the prospect of stepping back in time and adopting a British accent.

He told me, "I'd love to take a shot at directing. I'd love to play a boxer. And I'd love to play English. I mean, I don't have to play Tony Blair or anything but I'd like to take a crack at the accent - maybe a period piece or something."

Reports that he is to play nefarious, villainous, posh (and thus British) country manor owner hell bent on taking over America, are as yet unfounded.

Monday, March 12, 2007

SPOTTED: Week beginning 12th March 2007

Report by Lisa Lucker


Jimmy Fallon telling a joke to an unimpressed Ashton Kutcher.

Lindsay Lohan leaving a church to go to an “Alcoholics Anonymous” meeting.

Will Smith on the set of his new movie.

Friday, March 09, 2007

The Buzz: Splitney personality?

Report by Clarissa Scheissberg

It has been alleged by one of my "trustable" sources that ''crazy and not beautiful" Britney Spears tried to hang herself with a bedsheet before pleading with her estranged husband to give her another baby.

In a week of rehab madness the bonkers beauty wrote the number of the beast, 666, on her shaved head before running round the clinic screaming "I am the Antichrist!" at frightened staff. "Later that night she tried to kill herself," a friend told us. "She attached a sheet to a light and tied it around her neck. Paramedics were called, but luckily she was unhurt."

We at VIN all hope that she gets better soon (and finds new friends).

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Buzz: Campbell has to clean up her dirty act

Report by Clarissa Scheissberg

'Super bitch'
Naomi Campbell will mop the floors of New York City's Sanitation Department later this month as part of her punishment for assaulting her maid, officials have confirmed. The event will take place at a Sanitation Department warehouse in the Lower East Side of Manhattan from March 19-23.

Many kind hearted members of the world's population rejoiced in celebration that in some little way, justice had been served.

Reports that Mother Teresa rose from her grave to clap her hands are yet unfounded but would be very understandable.

Monday, March 05, 2007

SPOTTED: Week beginning 5th March 2007

Report by Lisa Lucker

Britney Spears shaving her wig in a 'fit of sanity' at Disney World.

Kate Moss (not) inhaling cocaine, somewhere in the dark streets of London.

Morgan Freeman on the set of his new movie.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Tyler Arrested!!!

In remarkably coincidental timing VIN bad boy Tyler "Ty" Deschanel has been arrested for a DUI offence. The reporter was spotted driving erratically on Rodeo Drive with an assortment of Hollywood beauties. Nearby LAPD patrol cops were going to let him go but after he narrowly avoided hitting celebrity skank Paris Hilton they decided to grab him.

Arresting officer Jim Bones had this to tell us "He was as we say in the field 'Drunk as a Skunk!' or 'doing a Mel', I was reluctant to arrest him seeing as I am one of VIN's many fans but I just couldn't let him be a threat to the public. By not running over Ms Hilton, Tyler has committed an offence against society and his fellow citizens - we had no other option."

Paris Hilton had this to say about her near death encounter with VIN's sexiest reporter "I could have died? That's hot."

Tyler told us this at his trial "Don't worry I'll be out in a month! And in the meantime I hope to reveal some salacious stories here in Hollywood City Prison while locked up! I've already spotted Tom Hanks and Celine Dion in here! Who knows who else I'll meet and what seedy secrets I shall expose!"

We look forward to it Ty!

Friday, March 02, 2007

Mr Jones Hits Rehab!

VIN Co founder and all round stand up guy Mr Jones is going on a top secret snooping mission this March into one of Hollywood's most famous destination for young and sexy stars: Rehab!

Mr Jones told us this exclusively for Very Important News aka VIN: "Yesshh, This March I Mr Jones!!! Mr Jones will.... will be venturing,.... deep into re- rehab!!.... And no my hectic life partying hard with the stars to get you the hottest and truest stories has not resulted me in becoming an alcoholic as some rival and lesser news sites have mis-reported!! They are liesss!! All lies!! No I am going cos I ... cos ... cos I Want to!!! I'm going to hang out with my good bald friend Britney and Brit washout Robbie Williams and find out why exactly they are in rehab, why it is the hottest new destination for young Hollywood and also some good places to score! Umm I mean score stories yesss umm VIN!"

Mr Jones will be back in April - assuming he's clean! Watch this space!