Rumor Mill: Oddfellas?

Report by Tyler “Ty” Deschanel

After being dumped by famous Oscar non winner Martin Scorsese in favour of pretty boy Leonardo “Leo” DeCaprio, screen legend Robert DeNiro is gearing up to star in a new film with hip hop thug 50 Cent. The film sees the pair as cops in New Orleans and is called imaginatively New Orleans.

"Ha ha who would have thought an idiot like me would share the screen with Robert DeNiro! It really shows how bad his career is going! Whereas mine is going sky high! G-g-g-g-g-g-Unit! Oh sorry I seem to have stuttered again, what I meant to say simply is G-Unit – how embarrassing!”

DeNiro fresh from his recent casting as Papa Smurf in Clint Eastwood’s War epic The Smurfs, had this to say, “I am always down with the kids – I once bought a Marky Mark CD so working with Fiddy is not a big deal for me. The film will be all about the blingety bling bling in fact I’m a straight dope.”

We asked him how it felt to be making films without real actors, but all he did was pull his jumper over his head and sing out “I can’t hear you! Lalalalalala” until we left.

Bookmakers across the world are furious as second to Elvis dueting with 2Pac this unlikely scenario had the highest odds in Vegas. “I’m ruined!” said ruined bookie Art Sheister “If this can happen, anything can! Who knows, tomorrow pigs might fly!” – Clearly he doesn’t know John Travolta has a pilots licence.