Rumour Mill: De Niro is the God Papa?

Report by Tyler "Ty" Deschanel

According to my secret sources, noted Hollywood actor and occasional cross dresser Robert De Niro will not be playing Pikachu in the live action version of Pokemon, the once popular cartoon based on the once popular PlayStation videogame. The Japanese video game became a phenomenon in the late 90's with central character Pikachu becoming an idol to millions of children across the world. However the craze soon faded after it was revealed that the game and TV show heavily featured subliminal Nazi propaganda.

"You talking to me? Pokemon? Fuhgettaboudit!" commented De Niro whilst dressed up as a clown after being hired to entertain at a children's birthday party.

"Why would I, a Hollywood legend, no, a Hollywood ICON play a lowly beloved video game character? Whatsa matter wit you, you mamaluke." he mumbled while gurning at the children.

Instead the coveted role will be going to Russell Crowe, whilst De Niro will play Papa Smurf in the new live action version of the Smurfs directed by Clint Eastwood, professional hypocrite Sean Penn is in talks to play Gargamel.