The Buzz: Winfrey NOT Cruising for a Wedding!

Report by Mr Smith

'Book club member and alleged foul mouth' Oprah Winfrey will not be attending the wedding of 'photogenic short actor' Tom Cruise and 'not so photogenic taller actress' Katie Holmes.

Winfrey allegedly told US entertainment show Extra, "It's not that I'm not going. It's that they had a limited number of people that they could invite and even though that m*thaf*cking c*nt jumped onto my couch and declared his undying beautiful love for that dirty lil b!tch I was not one of the invitees. That's fine. I don't get invited to everyone's wedding. I don't invite them to everything I do. I had a book club meeting recently, did I invite them? No. But I wish them the best and yes, I'm not going."

Although the media mogul won't be attending the actual ceremony, she will be sending a wedding present. She allegedly added, "I have a great deal of regard for their relationship and so I'm trying to think of what to get them. I was thinking...I'm easier (to shop for) - you can get me a bubble bath I'm okay - but I don't know what to give them! Maybe a ticket to hell m&thaf*ckers!"