The Buzz: Orlando is pissed Hoff

Report by Mr Jones

Professional wet blanket and girl look-alike Orlando Bloom has rudely declined German Uber-star David Hasselhoff's request that he play his son in the highly anticipated Knight Rider film.

When the pair recently crossed paths in Hollywood, the former Baywatch star and Kraut megastar took the opportunity to tempt Bloom, but alas without success.

The Pirates of the Caribbean star told Contactmusic: "I was pounced upon by David in Los Angeles. He'd heard I was a big fan of the old show and said, 'Hi, yes I am David Hasselhoff. We're doing a movie version and I'd love you to play my son in it.'

I replied, Er, well, that sounds great but you'd need to speak to my manager about it. Incidentally Knight Rider is totally gay."

Hasselhoff was so angered by the young star's uncouth behaviour he almost beat a nearby homeless man to death before launching into a medley of his hits.

"I was stunned! There was Orlando Bloom and David Hasselhoff right in front of me! I was about to ask for an autograph but then Orlando seemed to say something that offended David and he flew into a rage before singing to the crowd! It was incredible! We were all captivated" said "innocent" bystander actor Mel Gibson.

Herr Hoff who famously reunited East and West Germany in the 90's is reportedly devastated by the rejection and will be recording a power ballad detailing the incident. "It's called "Don’t Cry For Me KITT" it's gonna be great!" Bloom instead will focus on his next his flop movie The Whiny Crybaby.