The Buzz: No Parties For Osbourne

Report by Mr Jones

Following up on our report in July on Kelly Osbourne, it seems now the situation is becoming political. Political parties are so sure that supporting the proposed blanket ban on Kelly Osbourne will boost their popularity that they have based their entire manifestos around the issue.

"This is a dynamite strategy for the Republicans! Four more years!" whooped republican senator Terry McTexas. "We are saying we will raise taxes, lower quality of public services and next year go to war against every non - Christian and non -English speaking nation, but we will also force Osbourne to be kept away from society forever! So far our approval ratings are through the roof!"

The Democrats are said to be adopting a similar tactic "We will also ban Osbourne but we will go further and ban all of the Osbournes too!" sneered Hilary Clinton. "If this doesn’t get me the presidency in 2008 then I'll blow my top! And not in the way that my husband did with that intern either!"

So far Osbourne has not commented due to the TV ban but word of mouth indicates that even her family agree with the complete ban. "She's simply awful, she makes the rest of us seem normal!" whined famously incoherent father Ozzy Osbourne.