The Buzz: Cruise To Be First Man On Mars

VIN WORLD EXCLUSIVE!

Special Report By Mr Jones

International movie legend Tom Cruise has today announced that he will be the first man on Mars. The screen heartthrob also revealed that he will do so without breathing apparatus or without the use of a spacecraft.

"I have always wanted to be the first man on Mars, and after I proved to be the number one box office draw in the world of all time ever, I decided I need another challenge. Of course the greatest challenge is to be a good father, but this surely must be second."

Recent dad, Cruise, 44, was recently seen watching a shuttle launch with Neil Armstrong and his wife. Cruise reportedly told Armstrong that he was his idol and that he had always wanted to be an astronaut. Rumours that he also told the janitor at NASA the same thing are thus far unsubstantiated.

Cruise intends to fly to Mars without the use of conventional astronautical transport. Instead he will be using the propulsive force of a nuclear bomb (which will serve as the finale of Mission: Impossible 4) to fly to Mars. Although the feat is physically impossible, the scientific community is thoroughly behind Cruise "If anyone can, Cruise can!" said one unnamed scholar.

Friend John Woo (director of Lethal Force 9: The Revenge and Blackjack vs. Jack Black) has requested that Cruise grow his hair long for extra effect whilst speeding through space.

In related news, scientists have found out that the Big Bang and creation itself can also be attributed to Tom Cruise. "No, no I'm not really God; I'm just a regular guy who loves his kids"