Very Important News


Monday, May 22, 2006

Rumour Mill: Jennifer Lopez’s FantASStic news!

EXCLUSIVE! Report by Tyler “Ty” Deschanel

Well rumour has it Latino diva Jennifer Lopez aka “J-Lo” has decided to have surgery to reduce the size of her ass - “It’s taking attention away from me, in fact last month I lost two great roles to my ass, including a guest spot on Ocean’s 13!” Of course the demanding actress / singer notoriously made her fame primarily due to her ample derrière so many are surprised she’s turning her back on her backside!

Noted proctologist Dr Granville Hanes is said to be performing the procedure: “This will be a big challenge for me, a very big challenge, but hopefully with a bit of luck and the help of my team we will prevail. I have had to hire an extra 27 staff to assist in this operation. Often I treat women who need Assectomies but very rarely have I worked on such a high profile rear and such a high profile star.”

Full figured chanteuse Beyoncé Knowles a former patient of Dr Hanes had this to say “Before he worked on me I was only 83% Bootylicious but now I am officially 96% Bootylicious so I’m sure he will do wonders for Jennifer. Husband Marc Anthony was overheard to have said: “It’s just too much, we need a separate room for it and our king size bed is now too small as well – it’s also damaging my career too – I have never been overshadowed by an ass before – now I know how Jackie Chan felt in Rush Hour

Former partners Ben Affleck and Sean “Diddy” Combs are allegedly devastated.
All I can say is: about time honey!


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