The Buzz: Wai? Wong Kar, Wai?

Report by Mr Jones live at Cannes

Renowned filmmaker Wong Kar Wai announced at pompous snooze fest, the Cannes film festival that he is set to make his first non Chinese feature film. He’ll direct My Blueberry Nights starring Jude (any film that bombed in 2004) Law, Rachel (Chain Reaction) Weisz and Natalie (Leon, Star Wars) Portman*.

Unfortunately Wong does not actually speak English. And he has refused the use of any translators when making the film. Instead the avant-garde director will bark orders in Chinese and the cast and crew will have to decide what his rantings mean. “Hopefully the film will be a worthy addition to my acclaimed and ostentatious films. If not I can just claim that people don’t understand it. Its win, win baby!” said Wong in perfect English.

It later turned out that this statement was just a random mix of words that Wong had made up and in reality he was discussing his love of Natalie Portman’s fine ass.

*Note (Leon, Star Wars) is actually Natalie Portman’s middle name and does not refer to any films she may have made.