The Buzz: Martin cold for auction!

Report by Mr Smith

Chris Martin (husband of "former actress" Gwyneth Paltrow) has put himself up for auction, to raise funds for his former primary school. "Mean old sour face" Martin will apparently play only one song at the show, and will require a piano to perform. He has also stipulated that no more than 10 people can watch the mini-gig. When asked why these strict regulations had to be enforced, he allegedly replied "it is because the piano is my worst instrument and I hate children." He was also allegedly overheard shouting "It's going to be 'Three blind mice' or I'm going to walk! Stupid school!" but these reports have yet to be verified.